


is this called living, or something else?

by NAMAE



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, CCG making ghouls, Canon-Typical Violence, Experimentation, Human Experimentation, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, Juuzou has red hair, M/M, Melodrama, NOT a lemon, Out of Character, Psychological Drama, Seriously nothing sexy at all, Shinohara is a ghoul, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-06 10:07:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5412791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NAMAE/pseuds/NAMAE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He'll turn on the CCG the moment you're gone." </p>
<p>Shinohara laughs at the obvious discomfort in Amon's voice, "He won't turn on anyone. He's loyal to-"</p>
<p> "He's only loyal to you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, I thought this up after the ending of season two, despite the fact that I've yet to read the manga (although I'm aware of Juuzou's leg, so that's mentioned). But....that being said, this is SO NOT CANON, it isn't even funny. 
> 
> But I adore this ship. 
> 
> That is all; carry on.

The boy doesn't drink his coffee black. It's always a tan color, with a healthy serving of cream, and tons and tons of sugar. When it's available, he likes the whipped cream -the kind that comes in a can- and he sprays it all over the top of his drink. 

For Shinohara, it's too utterly sweet. But it's what the young man expects, so he makes it anyways. 

It's been about a week since he saw him; the boy rarely came to visit, his energy too rampant to focus on such a simple goal like visit the hospital. But it's been months since the attack -almost a year- and the boy is already twenty, it's hard to believe. 

But some things don't change. When Juuzou arrives sometime after four PM in the tiny office, he rushes at him, eyes wide and excited and he's shouting and Shinohara is laughing out, "Keep it down!" But Juuzou is too bubbly for his own good. 

"Careful," he says, as the boy snakes his arms around his middle, and he burrows his face in the clothing, "I'm still unwell..."

The boy pulls back, mouth open to retaliate -Shinohara can see it in his eyes. Before he can speak, the man slides the cup over too him, a doughnut at the side. 

His eyes light up like fireworks.

Shinohara begins before he can, when Juuzou is still cramming sweet bread into his mouth. "How have you been?" 

Juuzou talks with his mouth full; he never was one for manners, "'M good! Look! Look! I've changed my patterns!" He sticks out his arm, pulls up the right sleeve, and bares the grisly testament of what Shinohara dubs as self-mutilation. The thread is stitched into his body, like he's a doll rather than human. 

Shinohara smiles, but just nods to the bright red strands adorning the younger male's head. It's a color that matches his eyes, but washes out his skin. The dark circles under his orbs are more prominent that usual. "And your hair, too." He thinks Juuzou will beam under his notice, but the boy just brushes some crumbs off the table and says, "Oh, that? It's been done since last month. I'm over it. What do you think about black? That would be pretty, right?" And he grins, wide and innocent. This smile, he knows, is harmless. 

Shinohara pretends to think and places his hand on his chin. "Hmm. Perhaps so. But how are you feeling? You didn't seem to have any problems walking, today." 

Juuzou stands up suddenly and darts around the room, jumps into the chair stands on the lip of the seat, teetering dangerously. Shinohara knows if the boy falls forward, he'd suffer the most. But then, just as fluidly, Juuzou sinks down, fingering the stitches on his arm. "I'm fine. I can walk on. It doesn't do well though." 

Shinohara frowns. "What do you mean? It's the most technologically advanced prosthetic there is, and it's _not made well enough?_ What's _wrong_ with it?" 

Juuzou picks at the stitches right below his lip before shrugging. "If it breaks badly, I can't use it." 

"You shouldn't've used your leg when it was broken that badly, anyways. Maybe if you hadn't, they could've fixed it."

The boy isn't paying any attention. He crawls over the table, perchs on the very edge before leaning forward to ramble though the drawers on Shinohara's side. His hair hides his face. "They should keep candy in here," he murmurs as he paws a box of paperclips aside. 

"Juuzou,"

And he looks up, lip jutted out slight, eyes wide. "What?" he asks.

"They're putting you on a special case."

Juuzou grins, open mouthed, and he laughs excitedly. He leans in even further, only a good few inches away from Shinohara. He's so close that the older man can smell his breath, still sweet. "You're coming back, aren't you? I've killed so many without you, but the others always fuss." Then he grins smugly, and announces, "I put spiders in Marude's car."

"Juuzou, that's not..."

The boy glares and sighs out, "He called me a brat, and said I was getting in the way. Then he told HR to withhold some of my pay for his stupid motorcycle." He rolls off the desk only to sit back haphazardly in his chair. 

"Well, I mean..."

"I'm thinking of inserting nails into his shoes when he isn't looking. What do you think-"

"I think that would make you a very bad boy, Juuzou." 

And the red head frowns, pouting a bit as he brings his knees to his chest and rests his chin there, quiet. 

"Don't do it."

"I won't. I'll be good." 

"Good boy." Juuzou doesn't look at him. 


	2. Chapter 2

Arima is the one that comes in a few days later, and he slaps a file down on the desk. "It's only his first day, and he's already brought back a body. He's very skilled."

Shinohara says nothing.

"We'll need your will. And your signature here, if you're serious about this. If you sign, it means you're giving up your protection under Article 12." Shinohara nods again, before Arima sighs and asks, "Did you tell him?" He leans back, and pushes the file forward.

"No." Shinohara thumbs through the pages before clicking the pin down and pressing the tip to the page. 

"And why not?" Shinohara signs, fluidly, and stares at the page blankly before smiling and pushing the packet back to Arima.

"It wasn't time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for taking the time to read!


	3. Chapter 3

When Shinohara sees him next, Juuzou's hair is dark and his eyes are still bright and red. He looks ethereal, demonic even. But somehow still innocent. 

Shinohara gives him two pieces of candy before he sits on the floor in front of him, like a child. Not like a twenty year old man. Shinohara has to remind himself that Juuzou is more child than man, though. 

This time, they're in another room, but there's only a couch. The older man offers him a seat. "Would you like to sit here?"

"'M good." Juuzou is already unwrapping the candy, something lemon flavored, and his face scrunches up as he bites into it.

"You're hair looks good."

"It's pretty, isn't it?" 

Shinohara hesitates, agrees quickly because the raven is staring at him with blown irises and the man feels as if he's being studied too intently. "Yes, and I heard your mission is completed already. I'm proud of you."

"You should be." The boy snaps, crunching on the candy bits. As a piece worms it's way from his mouth, his tongue darts out quickly to pull it back. "Amon wouldn't let me chop it all up! I wanted to. But he said it was important, that I couldn't, and they they just bagged up the corpse and brought it back here." He leans forward. "Can you believe that? They saved a ghoul body. It's kagune wasn't even activated. Amon said-"

"About that..."

Juuzou shoves the second piece of candy, a grape piece, into his mouth before offering his palm to his superior. 

"Oh, you're coming next time, right? I won't tell on you if you let me chop 'em to bits. I-"

"Juuzou," Shinohara hesitates as he drops three more pieces into the boy's hand, tries not to look disgusted as Juuzou tosses them all back -all the flavors mingling. "About that..." The boy is looking at him like that again, like he's only interested in the man in front of him. "Juuzou, you collect the body because we need the parts. We need the organs."

Juuzou blinks once before he smiles and giggles. "Why? That's so weird!" 

His smile is infectious, and Shinohara ends up smiling as well, but it's forced. "Juuzou," he says easily, "they're going to put the organs in me."

The raven haired teen's smile begins to falter into one of confusion, and then, he swallows thickly. "Why?" His head tilts to the side and he blinks, once. 

Shinohara smiles again, and leans forward, but the boy is now eyeing him like a foreigner, like something that shouldn't be entirely trusted. "Because. We've found substantial evidence that allows us to believe transplanting ghoul cells into a human will cause the human to take on ghoul like characteristic."

Juuzou blinks again, and looks away, folding in on himself slightly, and holding his knees to his chest. He doesn't speak. 

"This is a very important goal, and you've done a lot to help move it forward. I'm very proud of you."

"You're going to become a ghoul...?"

"In theory, yes."

Juuzou frowns, then shakes his head as he traces the lines stitched into his skin. "I won't let you. I don't want you too," His voice is so quiet, so soft that Shinohara has to strain to hear it.

"This isn't a matter of-"

"I'll cut all the ghoul bodies to pieces until they're mush. Until you can't use them." The boy is still avoiding eye contact, but the man notes how Juuzou is chewing on his lower lip. He watches as the stitches are pulled tight, as blood pinpricks on the skin. The tension he's putting on his skin is too much. 

"Juuzou, this isn't about you. This is-"

Juuzou stands up immediately and walks out the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys! I haven't died or anything! Just was busy! Thanks for reading! Leave feedback if you'd like!


	4. Chapter 4

"I told him."

"I heard." Silence. "He ran up the roof and started talking to himself again. I thought you'd broken that habit of his," Arima muses. 

"I had." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...like super short. Basically, I feel awful for even calling this a chapter. 
> 
>  
> 
> ...
> 
> BUT THANK YOU ANYWAYS.

**Author's Note:**

> So I hoped you guys enjoyed! Basically, everything is already written, but not edited. Some chapters will be more this length, or incredibly shorter.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feel free to leave your responses!


End file.
